Sunday Morning

Went for a jog in the early Sunday morning. Didn’t know that it would feel so good jogging on a Sunday morning. When was the last time I jog? Must have been a long long time ago. Well…it sure feels great during and after the jog.

Have been stagnant for awhile...not much of exercising. Took one big step today…hopefully it meant I will be more active…sports that I have not done for years…I will do again. I should join the guys for soccer every Thursday evening and Sunday late morning blading and of course my early morning jog. Get connected to my body again. I can feel my life coming back to me. Its not just work and money…there’s so much life can offer…but are you willing to take up the challenge.

Take A Break

Been working late almost everyday…feeling tired. Wonder if its mentally or physically? I guess it’s a bit of both. Maybe I should take a break...free from the everyday life for a few days...out of the country for a few days...rest and relax for a few days. Wouldn’t that be great?

I’ve only got a day’s leave…and not much money to spare…and who to go holiday with? Damn… just go on a holiday by myself…just bloody book a ticket to somewhere and not bother so much. Isn’t it frustrating…feel like doing something but end up with so many considerations…probably not going anywhere. Life can be so cruel sometimes…then again welcome to the real world. It’s a cruel world and life is never fair in this cruel world.

Bands

As stated in the Cambridge Dictionaries Online…definitions of a band
1. a group of musicians who play music together.
2. boy/girl band a group of fashionable young men or women who perform popular songs together and dance as a group:

My deifinitions of a band will definitely be no.1 only.

Caught a few bands playing on Channel U’s Super Band. I was highly disappointed. Seeing some guys and girls dancing around while singing…that was an utter disgrace to the word Band. They should participate in Super Boy/Girl Band instead. And there’s this group with only vocals…no instruments played…not acappella…just plain singing…I think they should join Singapore Idols rather than compete in Super Band. This program is all wrong.

Some of them…well they do play instruments…but they are like posers…dressed up to be seen…played the guitar and bass like they are possessed by Jimmy Page or Flea…I’m not saying they play good…they pose good. I’d wish I had not watch but I just want to see how bad the “bands” are. The voting is on till 11pm. I will watch the live telecast of the elimination at 11.30pm…haven’t you heard…curiosity killed the cat.

Dinner & Drinks

Had dinner at Hog’s Breath with Angie, Red and Nig. The last time we met up was about one and a half month ago…celebrating my resignation. Apparently Red has tendered his resignation and is looking for a job. Angie…she’s just switched job and she’s doing fine now. Nig…his sending resume to find out what’s the job opportunity’s like outside.

After dinner…Remo joined us at Balaclava. The few of us drank till the club closed. I was tipsy by the time we left...hailed a cab and off to slumberland when I reached home.

Its good to see them again. We’ve all been busy…and its not easy to meet up with all the tight schedule. I had a wonderful time and I hoped they do too. Great bunch of guys there… really glad that they are all well on track in their lives. When will be the next dinner and drinks? Maybe in a month…maybe two months …maybe next year. And who will be there? Maybe not all will be present the next time. That is always the case isn’t it. Whatever it is…I’m delighted to have known them all this while. They have left their footprints on in my life.

Bus Stop

Every morning I take a bus to work. Lots of people waiting for different bus...965...27...89. Ever wonder how these people at the bus stop are like. Where do they work? How is their life? Married with kids… desperately single looking for a partner…students with excellent result…a perfectionist at work…a slacker…someone with money minded personality…what do they think of the coming election…are they happy. So many questions for them.

I see the familiar faces every morning. The pretty skinny girl who is impatiently waiting for the bus. The fat guy who carry his wallet and mobile in his hand. The cute malay girl who works in the same company as me. The tall guy who wears a checkered shirt and smokes at the bus stop…and the middle aged lady he talks to. The student from my block who also take bus from the same bus stop. The pretty not so young girl who smokes. And many others whom I cannot significantly remember now.

I just want to say these to them….hi guys…how’s it going? Life is tough right…I feel it too…waking up early morning and waiting for the damn bus…you know what guys…maybe we should all meet up and have dinner sometimes. How bout tomorrow morning…let’s all forget about going to work or school….we meet at the same bus stop and at the same time and go for breakfast…how about that. We should be friends…fate brought us to the same bus stop every morning we shouldn’t waste it.

Hi & Bye

Friday night while rushing to meet my friend…I ran into one of my housemates from the Australia days. I saw him from far…I wonder if he noticed me. He was with his wife…by the way I wasn’t invited to the wedding. Not many from those days were invited…in fact I only knew of one who went to the wedding. Anyway…as I walk towards the couple…I looked him into his face waiting for him to looked my way…and we can say our hellos and how’s it going…but it didn’t happen…he looked the other way the whole time. Did he really not see me or was he trying to avoid? Maybe he really didn’t notice and I should have called him. Then again we were so close and yet he didn’t see me…what are the chances?

The whole bunch would meet up regularly for dinners and updates but he always shuns from the gathering…until up to a point where we stop calling him altogether. It would be a waste of time calling someone whom we know will not respond. What happened to those days? Did he not recall or was he not there at all? Did he make friends there or was it just mere socializing? At least a hi when you run into each other on the streets. What can I say…maybe I linger too much... for him its just hi and bye.

Work

How time flies…been working 3 years 5 months for my previous company and now I’m into the 1st month of work for my new company. Different company different job scope altogether and of course different pay package…or should I say much better pay package.

The reason behind my resignation…well there are many components that adds to the final decision. The previous company doesn’t pay well…they pay well below the market rate. This new job…I hope I can take up new challenges and meet new people. After 3 years 5 months…I just feel a need to change. It might be for the better or for the worst but its something I feel I should do while I still can. 2 or 3 years down the road…I might not have the luxury to change job for the fear of leaving the comfort zone will hold me back. Good or bad decision…still too early to say. As always…only time will tell.

And as always…there are some moments that I will bring with me wherever I go…and some I will want to forget. Some people I will always keep in touch and some I’d rather not know. All and all…the experience gained will be a good lesson learned.

Brisbane Pretty

Brisbane City...oh so pretty
But without you its never been easy
Sunny day, chilling wind
I missed your sweet words of whispering
Beautiful gardens filled with greenery
Passing couples always makes me envy

The best is yet to come
I'm going home into your arms
The best is yet to come
Wait for me with open arms

Brisbane City...with all these uncertainties
Please tell me you still love me
Now that I'm back it seems your love is dying quick
But I will love you wherever I may be

The best is yet to come
I'm goin home into your arms
The best is yet to come
Wait for me with open arms

Brisbane City...I'm at your mercy
I come to you...please don't you discard me
Now that I'm left alone...I've got you for company
Will you share the grieve with me

2 Years

The 2 years studying in Brisbane, Australia was something I will never forget for as long as I live. 2 of the best years I’ve spent. Every penny and every minute spent was worth it. I’ve gain much exposure and experience. Some soul searching along the way and I kind of know myself even better after the 2 years. Made some good friends and seen some ugly quarrels. Of course there is always a price to pay with so much benefit acquired. She left me during the summer break when I was back for vacation. Hey that’s life…you gain some you loose some. If someone were to ask me whether I would like to trade for the love lost or the 2 years in Brisbane…it is a tough choice between the 2 but eventually I will chose the 2 years in Brisbane. Maybe a marginal victory for the later.

For the 1st semester I was staying alone in the Uni-lodge. Having to learn to do all the chores by myself for the 1st time in my life….I have to admit that I kind of enjoyed it. You do whatever you like in whichever way you see fit….isn’t that just wonderful. Everyday I will cook meals for myself because that’s the cheapest way to curb your hunger when you’re a student and trying to save money for party or coffee later. My culinary skill improved with every passing day. I’m getting the hang of cooking and I always wiped up a good meal for myself and sometimes for my friends. Thai Chicken Curry…. Vegetable Soup…Stir Fry noodles….Teriyaki chicken….you name it and I will cook it.

Sad to say since I’ve came back I hardly cook anymore. The reason I too do not know. Maybe I’ve become lazy….or maybe mum’s always around to do the cooking but then again if I want to cook she will let me….I guess things are different. I don’t know how to put it in words….but I sure know its different. Ask the others who’ve gone to overseas to pursue their studies and have return….they will tell you yes its different. Maybe some of them might know the reasons behind but for me I am still figuring out the answers.

Brisbane is pretty especially during the spring in September. Flowers blooming…sun still shinning and the wind is chilling. It has the elements of a beautiful city. In fact the only thing missing is someone by my side while I’m there. I very much wanted that special someone to share the beauty and the joy with me in Brisbane. Appreciate the good things with me. But things usually don’t turn out the way you’ve wanted it. Maybe for my case only…maybe I am jinxed.

Sometimes in the lazy Saturday or Sunday afternoon….i will make myself a cup of coffee and listen to songs by Joni Mitchell….I especially like the song “California” from the Joni Mitchell’s Hits album…relaxing by the bed while looking out the window…. that was the moment that I needed someone badly. Someone to talk to…someone to hold on to….someone whom I can share the peace with….I guess it’s the lazy afternoon and the loneliness and the song that makes me feel this way. I kind of like it in a way….think I crave for that lonely feeling…..although I hate it much more then I like it….but thinking back….at that moment…I really like it. Weird

After 1 semester at the Uni-lodge in the city, I moved to the suburb with my course mates, 5 of us altogether. A double story 3 rooms apartment along Coonan Street in Indooroopilly. The rental is cheaper compared to Uni-lodge. AUD $80 rental per week for myself. That adds up to approximately AUD $320 per month compare to AUD $700 in the Uni-lodge. Actually that’s the plan I had in mind all along. Stay alone for the 1st semester….meet some friends and move to cheaper apartments. It worked out perfectly. But trouble begins to surface and we had to move again. 2 of them move to another apartment near Chinatown in Brunswick. The 3 of us together with another coursemate from another household move to an apartment in Musgrave Road, Indooroopilly….not far from where we were staying. I should say the new apartment is much better than the previous one. All build in red-bricks and a fake fire place in the living room….picture perfect. The rent is cheaper this round….a mere AUD $75 per week for my room. We stayed there for the remaining 2 semester till we went back to Singapore in mid July 2002.

While staying in Coonan Street during the 2nd semester, we cultivated the habit of going to Chinatown every weekend to do our grocery. It was chores we had to do…but I enjoyed it…I wonder how the others feel about the weekend grocery. Also every Tuesday night we will go to Westfield Shopping Centre particularly Woolworths Supermarket to buy our dry goods for the week. Chocolates, cookies, Coke, Bunderburg Ginger Beer, Uncle Tobby’s Muesli bars, milk, condense milk, juice, bread, sausages, ham, cheese and all the chips we can get our hands on. Fun is the word if you’re asking me to describe.

At the beginning of the second semester…I had to be on my feet quick. We’ve just parted ways during the vacation….almost 3 months of self-denial…. frustration… restlessness…. loneliness and madness. I had all the plans up my head of what we’re going to do during my vacation….alas I’ve planned too early. 3 months is not enough for my wound to heal….given 3 years and the wounds will still not heal. The scar will always be there no matter how much time passes. Well life goes on….just have to pick up the broken pieces and carry on with whatever you’ve stepped out to do in the 1st place. Giving up has never crossed my mind.

At times when you couldn’t cope with your school work….pressure creeps in. You are being stretched to the maximum with stress….and you cannot give up for assignments’ deadline is round the corner or the exams just next week. Its really tough sometimes….least you’ve got your friends to help you…but there is only much they can do….the rest is up to you. Seeing your peers not doing very well sometimes helps. Although you feel bad for them but you feel good for yourself.

Once assignments submitted and exams over….you can feel the boulders weighing you down for so long being lifted. The moment I can feel it the most was when I submitted my Thesis on the last day of the dateline. The joy was immense and the sense of accomplishment was there for the taking….though results are not out yet…and I have actually accomplished nothing and there will be 2 more papers to clear in a week or so. There will be times when you seize the moment….and that particular moment was the one I seized.

Qing Ming

Muar is where my father is buried. Went to “sweep the grave” today. Wonder if he knows I went to see him? The images of him suffering on the death bed comes into my mind while I'm writing this down. I truly regret not been able to go there yearly. But this time round I thought I should go there at least once every year. This is the least I can do while I'm still here.

My relatives I haven’t seen for awhile have grown old. My cousin’s wife, whom I think she’s very pretty when I first saw her, has aged. And my cousin’s hair thinned, the scalp is visible with strains of hair hanging. My eldest Auntie has a same face but a highly crinkled one. I’m not being mean or anything, this is the harsh truth of old age.

Today I’ve learned the 2 important cycles of life, old age and death, right in my face style. How impermanence life is.